FUBARgenre: The Genre of Fubar

Born 8 years apart, Xyzha and I didn’t exactly have a chance to bond as sisters.

Herschel, my middle sister, and I share memories of wading in mud puddles, chasing after dragon flies, climbing mango trees, dismantling Barbie dolls, staging our own dramas, and even discovering puppy love for the first time.

But the only childhood memory I have of Xyzha, the youngest of the tres marias, is that of a bald, fat toddler who wouldn’t stop messing with our games. She was this little bundle of energy that wailed when ignored, screamed when teased, and annoyed the hell out of everyone with her constant bawling.

Much as we hated getting whipped for her incessant crying, however, this infuriating loud mouth was the center of our lives. In the intervals between school and play, Herschel and I would fight against each other for a chance to hold our little baby sister – to smother her with kisses, to feel her squirming in our arms, to squeeze her chubby red cheeks, and to play mommy to this irresistible little monster.

When I left home to attend university at 16, never to fully return again (uhm, that’s another story), I discovered a life outside the confines of my parents’ home. Being a sister became a minor, if not insignificant, part of my existence.

The last time Xyzha and I lived an entire year under the same roof was when she was 8 years old. Hence, in the years that followed, as I got lost in the abyss of adulthood, the Xyzha in my mind was always 8 – young, loud, immature, exasperating, but still undeniably cute.

In my sporadic visits, it barely registered that my sister was growing up. Preoccupied with my own life, I was barely aware that our “baby” was growing – both physically and emotionally.

Imagine my shock a couple of years ago when I looked at Xyzha for the first time. Really looked at her. Really attempted to get to know her.

What I saw shocked me.

It was like looking at myself as a teenager.

The similarity goes beyond physical resemblance, although we’ve been told time and again that the resemblance is uncanny. No, it’s not even that. (I still maintain that I can never be as beautiful as my sister, regardless of what everyone else says.)

What astonished me was the subtle parallels in our lives. Things so subtle, things so minor, things so seemingly trivial, that no one but the two of us could comprehend why they are so important.

This discovery both overwhelmed me with joy and besieged me with anguish.

On one hand, I was only too happy to realize that my sister is not a stranger to me, after all.

On the other hand, I despaired because I know I can never protect my baby sister from inevitable pain, misery, and disillusion.

For, much like me in another lifetime, it is her immense capacity to feel that ultimately defines who she is.

10 Things You Need to Know About My Sister

1. In describing Xyzha, one would almost always start with the word beautiful. She stands out with her gorgeous mane of shiny black hair, long shapely legs, flawless glowing skin, and luminous almond eyes that blaze with an infinity of conflicting emotions.
2. In spite of her obvious beauty (and in spite of her apparent vanity), she sees herself as an ugly duckling. Ironically, it is this imaginary struggle to become a swan that dictates her concept of self. The superficial dominates her life to such an extent that she fails to see her beauty for what it is – beyond skin deep. For beautiful though she is from the outside, she is even more beautiful in the inside. It is her essence, her creativity, her capacity to love, that makes her truly beautiful.
3. She’s a drama queen. She makes mountains out of mole hills, oceans out of muddy puddles, calamities out of minute glitches. This, her love for drama, makes her the brilliant artist that she is. Unfortunately, it also makes her the hapless victim of tragedies that she had unconsciously written or orchestrated in the first place.
4. She always falls for the wrong guy. She’s attracted to nymphomaniacs, psychos, and narcissistic megalomaniacs. It’s a phase I’m hoping she’ll soon outgrow. Of course she doesn’t realize that her penchant for melodrama may have something to do with her successive encounters with such beasts. (The key, I always tell her, is to learn to love yourself first. And then everything else will follow.)
5. She wants too much, too fast. In Neil Gaiman’s Endless Nights, Desire uttered the words that were to become the central quote of this blog: “Most people want things like a candle-flame, flickering, shifting. You, on the other hand, want like a forest fire.” Wanting can be a powerful thing. You do know what I mean, don’t you, Xy?
6. “Ate, I just want what you have with Mark.” Her words, not mine. She seems to regard my relationship with Mark as a benchmark for all her relationships. What she does not realize is that my relationship is far from perfect. Love, like everything else in life, takes hard work.
7. She defies authority whenever she can, in whatever way she can. Unfortunately, she has yet to learn the art of being subtle. As a result, her blatant defiance always gets her in trouble.
8. When she finally learns to see past her imperfections and focus on her strengths, there are no limits to what she can achieve. I personally believe that she’s destined to be a world-renowned artist slash fashion designer slash advertising executive slash international celebrity.
9. She’s so like me – obsessive nature, theatrics, neuroses, insecurities, vanities, eccentricities, and all – that it really, truly scares me. I do, however, celebrate the fact that Xyzha seems to be stronger than I was at her age. It is this strength that will give her a better hold on life…eventually.
10. She is one of the most important people in my life. There are no words to describe how much I love my sister. If we weren’t siblings, I’d call her my best friend. But we have something much better than friendship. We’re sisters, after all.

Note: This is part of The 10 Things Series.

*You might also want to check out: 10 Things You Should Know About Guile | 10 Things You Should Know About Fruhlein | 10 (More) Things You Should Know About Xyzha | 10 Things You Should Know About Jojo

Related posts

• 10 Things You Should Know About Fruhlein (7)
• 10 (More) Things You Should Know About Xyzha (2)
• The 10 Things Series (2)
• my dad has a weird sense of humor (11)
• 10 Things You Should Know About Jojo (8)