FUBARgenre: The Genre of Fubar

I once said that if Mark and I were to split, the settlement battle process would be a complete nightmare. The hardest decision being - who gets to keep our friends. The race to gain custody would probably drag on for years. Chaos would ensue, the war would continue to escalate, and the fire would blaze to such an extent that we’d probably just decide to get back together to keep the entire forest from burning down.

You think I exaggerate. But believe you me, this is a very serious issue. I mean, imagine the hassle of explaining the existence of a motel-like outpost in our garden to potential buyers. I’m talking, of course, of Gen’s little sex cottage, an integral component of our dream home (so integral that I swear I won’t build one without it. heh).

Years ago, a premature “We broke up” text message from me would actually have the trio convening and plotting to get us back together. Don’t get me wrong. I’m touched by their devotion. But honestly, it’s a wee bit disturbing, don’t you think? The result is that I’m constantly pressured to pretend that everything’s perfect. I don’t blame them for the pressure, no. But it certainly doesn’t help that each time I give in to the urge to rant, I find myself slamming head first into an iron wall of resistance. Need I say Ouch? Hence, I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut. (Yeah, I’ve been suffering in silence - if you want to get all melodramatic about it.)

“You can’t break up, Yan!” Gen once said with arched brows, leaving me no room to doubt the gravity of the threat behind her words.

“We cannot love anyone but Mark.” This from Bon, the queen of all bitch-dom. And me being but a lowly subject of her majesty, I have no choice but to tremble in fear.

What’s wrong with you, people? I was your friend first, dammit!

But okay, I get it. - Who can not love Mark?

In spite of his infinite imperfections, Mark is still perfect in so many ways. No one can resist his charisma. Hell, even I can’t resist him. And God knows how hard I tried. (you have no idea) Even in my weakest moments, in those countless times when he gives me cause to truly hate him, I still can’t help but love him with my entire being.

Such is his power over me.

I can only imagine what power he holds over my friends.

Damn you, Mark.

So, this is my way of saying that we’re okay. Yup, we’re okay.

This doesn’t mean, of course, that I’ve reconsidered my views on marriage.

I’m already Mark’s prisoner. A ring on my finger can not possibly do more to bind me to him. I’m already bound, people - heart, body, and soul.

What other proof does he need?

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Sidenote:

My favorite attorney, Troy Malilong, Esq., was kind enough to point out that there is no such thing as a “settlement battle”. He suggests I change that phrase to “dissolution and liquidation of conjugal assets.” No, thanks. I’ll stick with my “lame” (as he puts it) juxtaposition, thank you very much. On to the rest of this soliloquy, folks.

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